Broken
by SonnyRose
Summary: Friends come and go over the years, even for a cold demon lord. So sometimes its not so surprising that you ponder the past...of what have and what could have happened.


Once, I wasn't alone. I had a friend, someone I could talk with. Someone who wouldn't point out my strange training habits or thoughts. But that was a long time ago.

I met her when she was brought to my home, her parents dead. She was special they said, and that's why she came to live with us. I could tell the girl must be useful somehow, because the greedy gleam in mother's eyes told volumes. But I could also see something else in her cold golden orbs...disgust. And that I wouldn't understand for many years.

The girl didn't talk much, and I expected it was because her parents had been killed. I might not be the best at emotions, but even I could get that. Even if he wasn't sure he'd actually miss his own parents. They hardly bothered with him after all. Maybe that's why he started seeking her out...or maybe he was just curious. What caused him to do that he still isn't aware of. Her strange disappearances at times also confused him, as no one would give him an answer. So, he decided to talk to her.

It went slowly at first, she wasn't that willing to talk. But after a while she slowly opened up, as she seemed to realize I actually was interested. Sometimes her dog-ears on her head seemed to twitch with excitement sometimes when she spoke, and he found that quite curious. Still, he had no idea why she left at times. He had started to realize it was the same time every month, and when she came back she seemed a bit pale for a few days, but it became better after a week. He then found himself starting to look forward to talking to her, even if he never got to know her secret. Having someone about his own age to talk too was invigorating.

As time passed though, her leavings got longer. And her paleness stayed. He had a feeling something was wrong, but when he asked she just smiles softly, saying "...I'm just a little broken Sessh, don't worry about it". I hadn't known what she meant at the time, how could I have? It was such a strange thing that he hardly could grip it now, several hundred years later.

But back then she just kept getting worse. She even started to collapse in the garden as she made flower-crowns or when she did something too fast. After a while she even started coughing up blood. By then, those emotions I didn't know how to understand were now my own. I had no idea what to do, and my parents did nothing. It seemed whatever value the girl had before, it was gone.

After some weeks, she couldn't even leave her bed. I sat a lot with her when i could, still trying to find a way to make her better. But my efforts were in wain. Just a few days before all hope was lost, she told me the truth. Why she was broken. It was her parents, she said. They were opposites, and their powers didn't mix together as it created her. So inside her, there was a battle between two powers, always raging. And once each month, when some sort of change occurred, it got worse, eating at her. But she wasn't sad. She was happy to have lived at all, she had told me. Of course I dismissed that, still stubbornly claiming that I would keep her safe. She had just smiled. And just a few days after...she broke apart. It can't be explained in another way. She just crumbled into dust, pink and glittery. Somehow that fit her, in a morbid way. Turning to something pretty into just a dead body. As no other cared, I took her dust and went to bury it. I was empty then, blank. It was like all emotions I had during her existence dissolved, as she had. Still, he had buried her on her favorite spot, as she asked. It had been a young tree next to a small village of humans. She had told him her mother came from there, and that the tree was special, magical. And as he buried her remains, he hoped it would protect her.

Now, as he stood there once more, he understood all that had happened. She, had been the first miko/youkai hanyou to be created. If she had been successful, she would have been one of the most powerful beings alive, being a youkai that no miko could harm. But instead, she was purified from the inside. He had concluded that it might had been different if the youkai and miko were more balanced in power, or if her parents had lived to keep her power controlled, but that wasn't the case. That's why no such union should be allowed...it wasn't natural. But now, as he looks at the small village before him, he knew that mix was happening. Though with one already mixed and a strange miko. Still, he had no desire to stop it anymore.

He glanced down at the young woman asleep against the trunk of the big tree, a flower crown hanging limp from her small hands. He leans down as he picks it up, looking at it and then the girl. What he was thinking was unnaturally foolish for someone like him. Yet...somehow, he couldn't help it. It just was. Hope had stubbornly grasped his chest again, and he loathed it. At least he told himself so.

Even now when he knew regeneration was possible, he wouldn't let himself fully into those feelings again...it was too dangerous. Emotions are a weakness. Still...he no longer felt that he was alone.

He carefully placed the flowers on the girl's head, gently brushing some hair from her face before he stood back, acting as if he hadn't just done such a sweet thing. Because he never did sweet things.

As Sesshomaru looked away, Rin just smiled softly with closed eyes. She knew what he had done, and it made her feel so warm and happy. Even if he thought that she was asleep and wouldn't know what occurred, she had felt it. Even if he tried to hide it, she knew he cared for her. Even if he left her here in this village most of the time. She knew it was for her safety. He had promised to keep her safe after all...she knew that. She felt like it was in some distant dream...but she was sure of it. And she was happy...and whole.


End file.
